Tango: Beautiful

Dedicated to my Tango-dancing professor friend… Keep it up, my man!

Wear Sunscreen: Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young

This essay by Mary Schmich was published in the Chicago Tribune in 1997. It was rumored to be a commencement speech given by Kurt Vonnegut at MIT, but that was obviously not true, but it made several rounds on the internet. I remember reading it back then and was truly taken aback by the simplicity and the power of the message contained with in it. No idea what prompted me to think of it again today, but I did. And here it is to be shared with you. Watch the video that was also made on her essay.

Source: chicagotribune.com

Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young

Mary Schmich

June 1, 1997
Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who’d rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there’s no reason we can’t entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ‘97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.Do one thing every day that scares you.

Happy Diwali to all my Indian and Hindu friends

RAWALPINDI - Nov 09: Girls light clay lamps in their house on the occasion of Diwali on Friday.—Dawn Online

LAHORE - Nov 09: Women celebrate Dewali at Krishna Mandir.— APP

KARACHI - Nov 09: Members of the Hindu community celebrate Diwali by playing with sparklers.—Dawn Online

Eid ul-Fitr Mubarak - 2007

A good bye to the wonderful month of Ramadan:

and Eid Mubarik to all of you:

Missing Paragraphs in the Nikah Nama?

This post is also on ATP.

If you are married, how closely did you read the Nikah Nama before signing it?

Some time last summer my fiance decided that time had come for us to tie the knot. I was excited. So excited that I hastily agreed to do the Nikah (Katb-e-Kitaab, as levant Arabs call it) within the next few weeks. I called my trusted friend, Adil, for his advice on where to find a good scholar/Imam for the Nikah, esp someone who might be familiar with Arabic language because my wife happens to be a Palestinian. He, as always, had an excellent recommendation.

During this process is when I actually read a Nikah Nama for the first time in my life and realized that it was missing some of the key provisions that my fiance and I had discussed earlier and wanted to be included. For example, we realized that there was no provision in the agreement for a woman’s right to ask for divorce. Secondly, there was no detailed discussions of the different types of Haq Mehr, except for the very minimum required at the time of marriage. Finally, there was no discussion on how our assets would get divided in the case of a divorce, or separation.

I discussed these terms, and our mutual agreement on them, with my parents. Let me tell you it was an uncomfortable discussion. Initially, they seemed horrified that my fiance and I were discussing divorce issues even before marriage! Then their reaction turned to fear - that their son was signing his life and his possessions away without proper legal counsel. But somehow they budged. Next came the discussions with the Imam. That also took some serious convincing but he was a learned man with patience. He eventually agreed to add those terms which essentially protected my wife’s rights, though warned us that despite our Nikah agreement some of those provisions would not hold in many Muslim states, such as Saudi Arabia.

Karachi is Suffering in the Heat

Also published at ATP

Imagine 42 degrees celsius (107 degrees Farenheit) weather, no electricity, no fans, high humidity, no drinking water, and knee deep water on streets. Now imagine living through that for more than 24 hours. Terrible!

That is precisely what most Karachiites have been going through for more the past 2 days. A huge monsoonal storm hit the city yesterday, followed by torrential rains. And then the infrastructure of the city that had already suffered several major blows in the past 2 months simply came crashing down. The city now sits in a giant puddle, surrounded by fallen trees, billboards, traffic lights, and rooftops.

Due to the severity of the storm, several trees were pulled out of the ground and are now left stretched across streets, many large bill boards fell on top of passing cars and people, electricity wires were found dangling from the poles leading to several people dying of electrocution, roofs of poorly constructed homes fell killing the residents, rain-related traffic accidents led to further deaths, and now people are suffering without electricity and proper transportation in the maddening heat. Reports are indicating that more than 50 people have died and more than 200 have been injured in Karachi already in the aftermath of the storm. Even those who have lived in the city and watched many monsoons go by are claiming this storm to be among the worst they have weathered. It seems the first wave of the storm has passed by but the city is still struggling to play catch up from all the destruction that it caused.

Mother’s Day: Mothers of the World Unite for Peace

It is Mother’s Day this Sunday, at least in the US. Like most others around me, I am also thinking of my mother, Ammi as I call her. I wish her health, comfort, and happiness - which I know partly comes from her knowing that not only are her children safe and healthy, but that they are also successful and with characters that she can be proud of.

I have always been amazed by the inner strength and courage that my mother has always shown in some of the most difficult times. It sounds cliche, but she has really been the backbone of our little Pakistani family. Our father left to work in the Middle East soon after she had just given birth to their 4th child, and the first girl. She brought up 4 kids on her own for more than 8 years, in a city where crime rates were high and external hired help was expensive and hard to come by. She bravely fought back her tears when her kids left one by one to study abroad for she knew it would bring them far greater success than she could provide for them in Pakistan, and she single-handedly managed an entire family’s transformation from an orthodox, conservative existence to a more liberal, open-minded, inquisitive nature when her children themselves learnt to question and probe all things she had been brought up to take for granted.

But most of all, I have been amazed not just by her courage and fortitude, but also by her patience and calmness. Her calmness is like a cloud cover that I take shelter under when tides are rough and high. She reminds me that this life, and our struggles, are but a part of a marathon and not a sprint to some finish line. She tells me stories of how great people overcome the difficulties by finding inner strength and with their faith in God. She reminds me in difficult circumstances only the ones with determination, goodwill, and honesty succeed in finding support around them. Her lessons to me in finding inner tranquility and righteousness transcend beyond her own family. When 9-11 happened, I was a bit scared of what would follow. So I called her. I told her to pray for all who perished, and for those who may have to pay a high price because of their religion or the color of their skin. And her response: “Allah knows all, He watches everything. Never lose trust in Him. He is always there to support the innocent, even when it may not seem so obvious. Have faith in His judgment, in His mercy and your honesty. Be brave, but don’t be stupid, and remember that if all else fails, we will always be there for you. Let’s all hope peace will prevail and this madness will come to an end”.

As I write this, I realize how profound her thinking was (and is), despite not having any medical, juris, or philosophical high degrees. She was thinking from the pit of her womb, where life itself took shape. She was thinking like a life-giver, a mother. She knew what pain was, and she knew what it meant to endure the pain (of birth) because life itself got birth when mothers did that. She wants peace in this world, more than anyone else. Not only for the welfare of all the children of this world, but most importantly for her own children. No one else could be more genuine about that. No one.

I share below an essay from Queen Noor of Jordan that just appeared on CNN. She brings up the same thing. I could not agree with her more:

Let’s reclaim Mother’s Day for peace

By Queen Noor
Special to CNN

Editor’s note: Her Majesty Queen Noor of Jordan is an international humanitarian activist, a leading voice on issues of world peace and justice, and honorary chair of Rediscover Mother’s Day, which celebrates the role of women as peacemakers.

AMMAN, Jordan (CNN) — In 1982, during a period of dangerous stalemate in the Middle East peace process, I gave a speech at Georgetown University about the critical need for a more engaged and balanced role for the United States in the region.

The newspapers the next day covered my handbag, my rings, and my dress. When asked about the substance of my message, one U.S. Senator said, “It’s a great public relations weapon to have an attractive queen.”

Twenty-five years later, the geopolitical landscape of the Middle East still reflects some of the most pressing global challenges confronting the contemporary world — the stagnant Palestinian/Israeli peace process, the increasingly dangerous conflict in Iraq, the escalation of extremism, the debate over emerging democracies — all point to the need for visionary and transformative leadership. I firmly believe that peace will only come to the region when mothers find their voice and say of the violence, “Enough is enough!”

Mother’s Day — whether it is the U.S. tradition of celebrating mothers on the second Sunday in May, or on the first day of spring, when we observe the holiday in Jordan — is universally meant to be a tribute to motherhood and the blessings of peace. In fact, in America the holiday was originally called “Mother’s Day for Peace.” It was proposed over a century ago by Julia Ward Howe, the famous abolitionist and suffragist, after she witnessed first-hand the terrible bloodshed of the Civil War in America and the Franco-Prussian War in Europe. Howe hoped that the powerful maternal desire for security could shape world events, and she called on mothers of the world to unite against war.

Howe’s vision and her call to action could not be more relevant today. As a mother, stepmother and grandmother, nothing is more important to me than the safety of my family. I am not alone. Studies show that women’s priority, when given either money or opportunity, is the well-being of their families. They invest their time and devote whatever resources they have to reducing poverty and hunger, improving maternal, child and general health and promoting educational opportunity. That is why the position of women is the best marker of a country’s development and stability.

Mothers prove every day, all over the world, that peace and security require cooperation and compassion. Having traditionally occupied a paradoxical position at the heart of society but on the fringes of power, women often bring unique strengths, talents, and perspectives to the quest to resolve conflict and establish freedom. They are willing and able to cut across ethnic, religious and tribal barriers, and break through obstacles through peace in order to do what is best for their families.

It is no coincidence, then, that so many of today’s leading peacemakers are themselves mothers. All of us must do everything we can to support their efforts. People like Swanee Hunt, who served as the United States Ambassador to Austria and has spent her life advocating for peace and for the inclusion of women in the peace process through her work and by creating Women Waging Peace. Or Trish Malloch Brown, who travels the world advocating for people affected by war and conflict on behalf of Refugees International. Or Lisa Schirch, the director of the nonprofit 3D Security Initiative, who uses development projects like building schools and water wells to disarm conflicts from Lebanon to Ghana.

But the day has come for something more than individual efforts. Millions of mothers from Nablus to New York and from Baghdad to Beersheba must begin to find common cause in peace and work together to give their quiet power a louder voice. We need a movement of what Naila Bolus of Ploughshares Fund calls “global security moms,” who can work within their families and communities, and in national and international arenas to temper extremism and to hold their leaders accountable for decisions that escalate the cycle of violence rather than address underlying problems. Such a movement of mothers would be impossible for our leaders to ignore, and would be more powerful than all the tanks and suicide bombers combined.

So from one mother to many others, let us be silent no longer in the face of war and violence. May all mothers and families around the world be blessed with a happy Mother’s Day for Peace.

Chalo chalo, Dubai Chalo!

My brother recently moved to Dubai for work, and as I see this hilarious video from a TV skit from Pakistan in the 1980s, I am reminded of him.

For those who cannot understand Urdu in the skit, basically it is making fun of the people who left Pakistan en masse in the 70s and 80s to go to Dubai. It was then that the phrase “chalo chalo, Dubai chalo” (lets, go, lets go to Dubai) became commonsay. Anybody who could madeit to Dubai, and those who could not wondered what paradise their loved ones had migrated to. A large majority of those who moved were the less educated worker bees, exactly what Dubai needed at the time. In this video, the wife is singing to her villager husband to not forget to bring gifts back for everyone in the family when he returns. The words are set to a famous song and that adds to the fun of it.

I am also laughing as I watch this because even now, it is fairly common for relatives to still ask for all kinds of gifts when somebody returns from abroad. I have seen requests ranging from chocolates, and coffee to Joggers and cordless phones. Some of the more interesting ones have included baby formula (its really not that much beter here, women!), aspirin pills (do they really add impurities on purpose in medications in Pakistan), and T-shirts (like there were not enough Tshirts already in Pakistan with Nike, Chicago Bulls and NY Yankees logos on them). The funniest was when a young cousin was disappointed that I did not bring him a US made school bag. Now maybe you can understand why the 50lb weight limit on luggage in international flights is such a problem for some of us…..

Eid Mubarik!

It is Eid today, the most festive day in the Muslim calender. Muslims around the world, including North America, are celebrating the day by praying in congregations at mosques, visiting friends and family at homes, and giving charity (fitra) to the poor.

Once again I am away from my family, but this year I have my wife with me to provide a sense of family union on the Eid day. My sister is only a few hundred miles away (instead of several thousand miles), and I have plans to meet several friends tonight for dinner at a local Persian restaurant. The only thing that could make it better is the closeness to parents (mine and L’s) and our siblings.

I spent the entire day at work, pretty much like any other day. Conference calls, meetings, phone calls, visitors, etc etc. same ol’ same ol’. But that is not how the day would go in Pakistan.

I would get up early, shower and dress into my new (typically also starched) shalwar kameez. My mom would serve dates that have been soaked overnight in milk, and give us tea to have before we headed to the mosque for Eid prayer. My father and all of us brothers would walk step in step towards the mosque, reciting a prayer said to have been said by Propher Mohammed on his way to the Hajj ritual. We would pray in a large congregation at the park (mosques would be too full on this day so outside arrangements are made). After the prayer, people would hug each other and forget all their differences, their anger, frustrations and worries. For a few minutes after the Eid prayers, the city feels a sense of peace and tranquility that otherwise escapes it on other days.

We would come home to see my mother, aunt and sister all decked out in their new clothes - colorful, elegant, and something special in their designs for each Eid. My sister would ofcourse be the center of all attention. Not a surprise, given her chamkeelay clothes with all kinds of accessories versus our boring plain shalwar kameezes :).

We would once agian have breakfast together, as a family. Lots of vermicelli dessert (sawaeean), kheer, parathey, anday and chai. We would spend the rest of the morning meeting, greeting and giving gifts to all those who work with us or for us in various capacities. Friends, workers, colleagues, family would visit throughout the day and eventally we would all pile into our car and go out to visit family, especially my grand mother and my uncles and aunts who all seem to live close to each other. That is where we would have a big dinner together and end the day.

I am thinking of each and everyone of them today and wishing them all the most joyous Eid ever. It is my first eid as a married man, and so is for my sister who got married only a few months before I did. So both of us are away from home, celebrating Eid with our spouses. It is not that lonely, but surely it will be nice to be closer to family.

On this day of festivity, celebration and food-galore, I do not want to forget the essence of Ramzan, the month of fasting that just preceded it. The month was all about restraining oneself from the fruits of this world (food, drinks, sex, etc) to enable an appreciate of the needs, wants, and desires of the less privileged in this world. We hope to train ourselves by fasting for one month, so we can be better prepard tof ollow the same principles for the rest of the year. I could not say it better than a poem that was posted by someone on ATP, my second home on the internet. I am pasting it here for you to read. I hope you understand Urdu.

Finally, ATP has done a serie sof posts on Eid. Check them out:

• We started with the advent Ramzan and a post about khajoors (dates).
• We followed it up with something about Ramzan Cricket, a uniquely Pakistani ritual.
• Next was something about Qawalli, which is a staple of PTV Sehri transmissions.
• Shirazi launched us into the Eid mood by writing about Eid Cards.
• We started getting into the mood of things with a post on auspiciousness of Juma-tul-Vida, Diwali and Eid.
• We have had our Eid poetry mehfil going for a few days now and as they say, ‘ab mehfil joosh pay hai.’
• Of course, food is integral to everything; especially Eid… in this case Eid Cakes.
• Eid Mubarak post a little while ago thanking you all for your support and interest.
• Eid is….Fill it in yourself to creat the post for us.

Us bachay ki eid naan janay kaisee ho gee
Jis kee janat nangay paon phirtee hai

Eik chand kay nikalnay say ho gee naan eid apnee
Bharpoor zulmatoon ko mita lain tu eid ho

Ameeron kay liyay har roz roz-e-eid hai
Ghareeb khush hon tu janain ke eid ayee hai

Tankhwah das barhee hai tu mehangai sau ropay
Aisay main khak dosto eid manayaiy hum

Ek lamhe ko main nain tujhay dekha tha
Umr bhar meri nazar main naan jacha eid ka chand

Tujh ko tu har shaam ghadta barhta dekhtay hain
Us ko dekh kay eid karain gay apna aur Islam* hai chand
*Takhalus

Perdes main Eid ayee tu kia ho ga yeh dil shaad
Reh reh kay har ek gaam pay aataa hai watan yaad

Phir aaj eid hai apnay watan main hum nafso
Chalo keh hum bhee manayain musaraton ki bahar

A Bagheecha (garden) in the city

This note is also posted at: All Things Pakistan

—

Bilal Zuberi

As readers of this blog may know, I recently got married. Among other things that came with my wife are a few plants that I now find myself responsible for. Now if you knew me, you would understand why having plants at home is a huge deal for me. The only greenery my house had seen for the past decade was in the form of saag paneer or home-made salads. Real life plants are a fresh addition.

Now that I am once again taking care of plants, I am reminded of my garden (also called lawn by my brothers, and bagheecha by my parents) in our house in Karachi. I have many memories of the bagheecha, and continue to add more each time I visit.

I grew up in a small house in very urban Karachi, but by some clever designing, and probably minor land grab, my family has been able to include a small garden inside the house and in a narrow fenced-in (read ‘grilled‘) strip outside the primeter of the house. It is is barely the size of my current bedroom, but serves numerous purposes.